Volume 7
November 13, 2016
Number 23
What should I do when I see (or think I see) one of my brothers sin? How should I respond? Though my first inclination may be to go and tell someone else about what I saw (or think I saw), I must resist this urge and go directly to the brother who has sinned! “If you brother sins, go and show him his fault in private” (Matthew 18:15a). Let me suggest a couple of reasons why it is so important to follow this command from Jesus to go and talk to our brother privately as a first measure in dealing with sinful behavior:
- We may be mistaken about what we saw. For example, I may think that as I drove home last night I saw my brother come out of the local tavern in a drunken stupor. What should I do? Go to him the very next day and ask him about this. I may find out that, contrary to my expectation, as I confront him regarding this disturbing discover the next morning at his home, he does not appear to be suffering from a hangover but rather appears bright eyed and ready to go. Upon further discussion I find out that he was actually at home with his wife and family the night before. As I continue to discuss with him what I thought I saw, it becomes apparent that what I thought could not actually be what I saw. On this occasion it was perhaps a case of mistaken identity. By going to my brother first, and figuring this out, I have saved everyone involved great and unnecessary embarrassment: my brother the embarrassment of being unjustly perceived as a drunkard, and myself the embarrassment of having to go around and explain that I spoke without the facts, had gossiped about my brother, and was wrong for my actions.
- Even if what I saw was indeed reality—it was my brother who walked out of the bar in a drunken stupor last night—it is still in everyone’s best interest to go and talk to my brother first. By going to him privately about the matter it will increase the likelihood of my ability to gently win back my brother. I may actually find, through a sincere and concerned dialogue with him that though he is indeed struggling with this particular sin, he is actively seeking help to overcome it. What I witnesses the previous night was not characteristic of his general behavior. Rather, I “caught” him in a moment of weakness, a relapse. By coming to him privately, in gentleness and love, I have put myself in the best possible position to be able to offer him genuine help in his struggle.
- If what I saw really happened and yet my brother is totally unresponsive to my concern for him, by confronting him privately about the matter I will not only be protecting myself, but will also be making what must follow a little easier. By approaching him privately first, I have robbed him of the opportunity of feeling that I have gone around behind his back “slandering his name.” By coming to the individual in sin first, it helps to make the case that what I am doing is motivated by love, not animosity. It has been my experience that those who are involved in sin typically try to find fault with those who confront them about their sin. By following Jesus’ instructions we will avoid giving them any legitimate ammunition to use against us. Gossiping about someone’s sin will only make the task of winning them back more difficult than it already is, if not virtually impossible!
Now if my going to them privately does not yield a positive result leading to repentance, what should I do then? Jesus said, “If he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed” (Matthew 18:16). So, I’m going to need to go back and talk to him again, but this time not by myself. I am to take one or two along with me. This begs the question: How do I choose who to take with me? There are some guidelines in Scripture that will help us as we contemplate this important question.
Those I choose must themselves be “spiritual,” that is those who are living and walking by the Spirit, i.e. those who are mature in Christ (cf. Galatians 5:22-6:1). Those I choose must not be gossips (cf. Proverbs 20:19). I want to make sure that they won’t take what they hear and gossip about it to others. Doing so would severely handicap a positive resolution, as it will more than likely turn the sinner off, giving them something legitimate to be mad and frustrated about. Furthermore, those that I choose must also be trustworthy. Not just that they are able to keep things in confidence, and deal seriously with these very delicate matters (after all the soul of an individual is hanging in the balance here!). They must be honest and believable. Their testimony will provide the basis upon which the group may later have to render a judgment against the unruly brother.
Another question that arises at this juncture is: Does my choosing of one or two necessitate telling them about the sin of the unrepentant brother? I would suggest that, at the very least, it requires that I have to tell them that I have already gone to the brother privately about a sin and this this did not yield a positive result. It may be that those I choose to take with me are not even aware that there is an issue. In this case, I will obviously have to tell them at least a little bit about what is going on and why I need them to come with me. And I would suggest that this discussion is not gossip. It is implicitly required in the command of Jesus.
Now if this confrontation does not result in the repentance of the sinner, then Jesus said, “Tell it to the church” (Matthew 18:17a). This command explicitly states that we are tell the church about the sinful behavior of the brother. Now, discretion needs to be exercised here. I am not, nor was Jesus, suggesting that we share every gory detail with the whole group. It is not appropriate to talk about some things (cf. Ephesians 5:11-12), and furthermore, not everyone within a local church will be spiritually mature enough to handle the specific details of some sins. Now, having said that, whatever is shared with the group, it must be clear what sin is being addressed. This is why the “one or two” must be trustworthy, that is trusted by the group. It is going to be by the mouth of these two or three witness that “every fact may be confirmed.” There will those within the local church who will need to be able to say, “Okay, I don’t need to know every gory detail, the ‘two or three’ have made it clear enough that this is not a case of misconception or misunderstanding, but is indeed a real problem of sin, and that action needs to be taken.”
At this point (as implied by vs. 17b) the local church is to make an effort to talk to the errant brother in an attempt to lead him to repentance. This will generally be achieved as the individual members make an effort to reach out to the brother—distributive action. It is not required that the whole congregation show up on the doorstep of the unrepentant brother (though this may not be a bad idea in some instances). However, this kind of collective action would certainly require some communication and planning to orchestrate such an effort.
If this does not result in the repentance of our brother, then Jesus goes on to instruct us to exercise discipline against him: “Let him be to you as a Gentile and tax collector” (Matthew 18:17c). In other words we are to “judge” the brother in sin (cf. 1 Cor. 5:12b), so that he may be handed over to Satan (5:5), and removed from amongst the group (5:13). This means that as a group (preferably lead by elders) we are going to have to sit down and, based on the testimony of the two or three witnesses, make a judgment regarding this brother. This judgement means that we will have to measure their behavior by the standard of God’s word. This is going to require dialogue, discussion, and study about the sinful behavior of our brother. This process is not gossip. Yet, throughout this whole process, we must continually exercise caution that we too are not sucked into any type of sinful behavior (cf. Galatians 6:1b), including gossip! And, as was pointed out previously, we should not again that it is the “spiritual” who are to restore the erring. Perhaps I need to recognize about myself that I am not yet spiritually mature enough to handle this kind of awesome responsibility. If that is indeed the case, then I must make certain that, whatever level of involvement I share in this process, I don’t allow myself to succumb to the temptation to sin, especially the sin of gossip. -J.L.
This bulletin is being published for the purpose of encouraging a further study of the Word of God. Editor – Josh Liggin
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