By Rick Liggin
At the risk of being repetitious, I need to point out again that elders must be “able to teach” and “exhort in sound doctrine” (1 Tim. 3:2; Tit. 1:9). Now, please understand: “teaching” and “exhorting” are both forms of communication—very specialized and highly skilled forms of communication. One will never be able to teach or exhort, if he doesn’t first learn to communicate! And if an elder “must be…able to teach” and “exhort,” then he must be able to communicate! Consequently, communication must be an essential requirement…at least for elders—but really it’s a requirement for all leaders! The ability to communicate is critical to good leadership.
In the home, for example, fathers must be able to communicate, since they are required to “train” their children (Eph. 6:4); and training others requires some degree of communication skills. Obviously, the more adequately one can communicate the more adequately he will be able to train his family.
But please remember: communication is not just about speaking! I know you’ve heard me say this before, but effective communication is always a two-way street: it requires sending information and receiving information. To be an effective communicator, one must learn also how to listen effectively. In fact, an effective leader will seek first to understand, and then to be understood. This is a Biblical principle (Jas. 1:19; Prov. 18:13).
In order to effectively communicate as a leader, those led must have a sense about me that I am willing to listen, and to listen with a view to really understanding what they’re saying. Those led must feel that they can come to me with their problems and get a fair hearing. They must feel that I am willing to be a kind of “confidant” to them—someone that they can turn to and rely on when they need help and understanding. Being a “confidant” is one of the many great skills of God! Better than anyone else, He knows how to listen, and He cares about our troubles; which is why He urges us to cast our cares on Him (1 Pet. 5:7; 1 Jno. 1:9). God is a great leader!
Parents are supposed to be the ones children go to for advice and help in times of trouble. Elders are the ones church members should call on when they are spiritually weak (Jas. 5:14-15). In fact, all of us are supposed to be people to whom others can confess their faults (Jas. 5:16). This requires us to be approachable people— especially if we’re going to be leaders!
James tells us that being “reasonable” (NASB) is something that characterizes the “wisdom from above” (Jas. 3:17). This term can also be translated “willing to yield” (NKJV) and “easy to be entreated” (ASV; KJV). It carries the idea of being persuadable. There are some people about whom others feel it would be futile to try to go to them with a problem. “I could never go to him about this! He’ll never understand, he’ll never see my side! He’ll be unreasonable!” But one whose wisdom is from above will not be so unreasonable. A truly wise man will be seen by others as one that they can go to and talk to and get a fair hearing.
Are you an approachable person? Do your children feel that they can comfortably approach you with their problems, questions, or even disagreements? Does the church you oversee feel that they are able to speak with you as an elder—either together or one on one?
I know it’s hard to be objective in things like this. Most of us feel that we are approachable, but do others feel that way? “Sure, my kids know they can come to me?” Do they really? “Sure the members know they can talk to the elders?” Do they really? “Sure they can! And if they don’t, that’s not my fault! You can’t force folks to come to you with their problems or disagreements.” But is it really their fault? It could be! Some, no matter who you are or what you try to be, just don’t have the courage, confidence, or will to go to their parents or elders. But as a leader, you must make sure the problem is not…you. Most folks will go to one who is reasonable, persuadable, and easily entreated. As a leader, you simply must build this quality into your character and exemplify it openly for all to see—so that they will know you are the kind of person they can comfortably go to for a reasonable hearing.
And here are at least two other things that people must know about you, if they’re going to feel comfortable approaching you…if you really are an “easy to be entreated” person. And please recognize that the lack of these things may point to the fact that you’re not nearly as approachable as you think you are: 1) you must be able to listen to others with a view to really understanding them! People must know that you have a reputation for being one who will listen carefully and understand before responding (Jas. 1:19; Prov. 18:13). If you’re one who often speaks before you think or before you hear, people will not want to approach you. And 2) you must be able to speak to others without getting upset or getting your feelings hurt or somehow feeling threatened. Some leaders seem to wear their feelings on their sleeve, and so others are afraid to talk to them (especially about disagreements) for fear that they will get angry or get their feelings hurt. If you are one who gets your feelings hurt or finds yourself pouting when others disagree with you or question your judgment, then don’t be surprised when folks don’t want to approach you.
So, how approachable are you…really? If you truly want to be an effective communicator and an effective leader, whether in the home or at work or in the church, then you need to be developing this approachable quality; you need to be reasonable and persuadable. And that’s going to require you to make a conscious deliberate decision to work at building approachability into your character. Will you make that kind of decision and work at being an approachable person? Your family…and this church need you to be that kind of leader. Will you do it? I hope that you will!
This bulletin is being published for the purpose of encouraging a further study of the Word of God. Editor – Josh Liggin
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